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A submissive, frequently known as a sub, is a sexual participant who willingly gives up some or all of their control to a dominant partner. This type of partnership is often referred to in the BDSM community as a dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. Subs can identify as any gender or sexuality. Being submissive can mean different things to different individuals. It can involve many different activities. By offering themselves to their dominant, submissives gain pleasure from both the acts of the dominant inflicted upon them and also from the knowledge they are pleasing the dominant. For some, being submissive can involve psychological verbal cues, including referring to the dominant as “Sir” or “Master” or “Ma’am” or "Mistress.” It may involve other forms of humiliation. It can also involve different physical acts, including various types of bondage (rope, collaring, cuffs, caging), impact play (spanking, caning, paddling), and different types of torture play. Submissive acts can also vary when it comes to pain. Some subs enjoy light teasing while others get off on significant types of pain. Other submissive acts include obedience, begging and asking for permission, being punished, roleplay, and being displayed and shared by the dominant. Sex gear and toys can also be a big part of being a submissive, including gags, handcuffs, spreader bars, paddles, blindfolds, and more.





A Dominant is a sexual participant who takes on a leadership role and consensually controls a submissive participant. This type of partnership is often referred to in the BDSM community as a D/S partnership. A male dominant is often called a Dom, for short, or a master. A female dominant is commonly referred to as a Domme or Mistress, although the language can be altered in fun and “unconventional” ways. Their submissive partner is often called a sub for short. The word Dom is usually capitalized while sub is written in lower-case, to emphasize the power dynamic. A Dominant may be a sex worker who serves a number of paying subs or someone who takes a dominant role in their intimate relationships. They may only dominate sexually or be dominant in all facets of their relationships, in ways the sub must continually consent to. For example, a Dominant might set rules for how the submissive should behave socially or control the submissive’s finances.

Dr. Laura McGuire